if i can run in heels then i can drive
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
