Barsexuality is the new black.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
