He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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