You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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