I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
