Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want to make out with him forever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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