Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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