i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
