I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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