note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
