Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
