I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
