I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
