i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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