so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
