You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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