He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
