Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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