don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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