I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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