He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
