Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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