honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
