it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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