Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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