my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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