I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
