Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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