just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
