i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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