Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
