Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
