THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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