Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
