Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
