let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
