I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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