So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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