Nicole vs. Life
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
