I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
