don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
