mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
