i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
