did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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