he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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