38 yer olds are good kisserssss
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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