Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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