Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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