Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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