margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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