if you like me you must not know who I am
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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