I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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