he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
