It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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