I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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