I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
