Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize