Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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