I just pynch a tree in the face
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize