Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
