i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
