Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
