forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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