One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
