Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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