Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
