i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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