So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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