My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
