Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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