I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
