Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
