I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
