Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
