Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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