Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
