He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
