Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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