thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
