Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
