You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize