lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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