My friends, they love my intelligence
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize